Sex Outside of Marriage – God’s Perspective

January 18, 2024 Cathy

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. [Hebrews 13:4 NIV]

WAKE UP SINGLE GIRLFRIENDS

It’s with a heavy heart, that I need to address a topic that is happening in the lives of many women I deeply care for. It is a path of destruction and if left unacknowledged, is leading them far away from the Lord and will have eternal consequences that are not good.

Imagine watching someone you care about unknowingly running toward the edge of a cliff and they are unaware of the impending danger. However, you see and know the danger because you are watching them from another point of view. Would it be kind or loving to silently watch them go off that cliff, and hold the crucial information that could save their life? No, you would be yelling and screaming for them to stop…

In the same manner, I find it imperative to speak the truth surrounding this subject. I know the immense weight of the choices made in this area and the potential consequences that our decisions bring as a ripple effect around us. It is a challenge that every single woman who loves the Lord inevitably confronts at some point in her life.

What I am talking about is sex before marriage as a believer. Some of you ladies are treading a path that is leading you directly to hell, IF you do not wake up, change your ways, and repent. All for short-term pleasure – is this really worth it for you? Look I’m single, so I get it. I’m not a woman talking to you who has been married 50 years and pointing a finger at you – I’m speaking to you from one single woman to another.

Some of you may find my words harsh or lacking in love, but I assure you, it is because of what the Word of God says and my own personal experiences that I must speak the truth.

Now the Holy Spirit tells us clearly that in the last times some will turn away from the true faith; they will follow deceptive spirits and teachings that come from demons. Keep a close watch on how you live and on your teaching. Stay true to what is right for the sake of your own salvation and the salvation of those who hear you [1 Timothy 4:1,16]

FLESHLY DESIRES VS BEING A LIVING SACRIFICE

I’ve said this in prior teachings, that being a believer isn’t just saying the prayer of salvation and then going on with your life as if nothing has changed. We are called to live a life that is holy and one that is different from people who do not know the Lord. Our lives should reflect Jesus and continually be transformed by the Word and through the work of the Holy Spirit within us.

And so, dear (brothers and) sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice, the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. [Romans 12:1]

Read your bible ladies because there are clear guidelines regarding sexual relationships and how we are to conduct ourselves as single women. I know this isn’t taught in most churches and that is why I’m bringing this topic to your attention. Again, there isn’t the teaching and for sure no accountability in most “Christian” circles.

The biblical perspective emphasizes the sacredness and significance of marriage and the beauty of reserving sexual relations for that covenant relationship. God does not want you to be lonely, or to restrict pleasure, or suppress desires, he created sex. Sisters, please don’t use the excuse that you are lonely or there is more to a relationship than sex to justify your actions. Even the appearance of you living with or spending a night with a man is offensive to God. Please recognize this incredible design and purpose behind this gift of marriage by keeping sex only within the boundaries of marriage.

When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God. [Galatians 5:19-21]

Do you see what this scripture says? YOU WILL NOT INHERIT THE KINGDOM OF GOD if you continue playing house with a man who is not your husband.

What happens when we live in disobedience to God’s Word is that we open the door to the devil. Once you have given him permission in one area of your life this gives him access to permeate into every other aspect of your life…. Please don’t give the devil access to your life, because his is entire goal is to steal, destroy, and kill you.

It’s beyond me how you can call yourself a “Christian” yet choose to blatantly go against God’s Word. No, I should say it’s obvious to me that you are NOT in the Word or that you even care what God says, because if you did – you would be making different choices.

Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour [1 Peter 5:8]

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY

As we go into this sensitive topic, again please know that I approach this with compassion and understanding. I empathize with you, as I too have dealt with the same challenges of being a single woman.

Stay to the end of this message and I will share with you a part of my story regarding this very topic. This is not about judgment or condemnation, but rather an invitation to embrace the abundant life that God intends for us.

Just to clarify, yes having sex outside marriage is a sin. Living with your boyfriend that you are not married to is a sin. Spending the night with someone who is not your husband is a sin. Traveling that includes over nights with a man who you are not married to is sin. Having the appearance of anything with a man that is NOT Godly is a sin.

Let’s dive deeper into more scriptures verse by verse. I’m also going to ask you some questions to think on…

AVOIDING SEXUAL SIN – 1 CORINTHIANS 6:12-20

You say, I am allowed to do anything, but not everything is good for you. And even though I am allowed to do anything, I must not become a slave to anything.

As a believer, we have a new nature that doesn’t want to sin, and we should be aware that sin gives Satan access to us, which can cause unnecessary misery and pain. The point that Paul (the own who wrote this passage) is trying to make is that he was free in Christ to do whatever he wanted to do, but he didn’t want to do anything that would bring him under the oppressive power of Satan. Those who have truly been born again want to be changed.

Being a slave is succumbing to anything that will take you away from being a living sacrifice to the Lord. Think about this for a moment.

Is the man you are with bringing you to a deeper relationship with the Lord or is it opening the door for the devil to come in and destroy you?

You say, Food was made for the stomach, and the stomach for food. (This is true, though someday God will do away with both of them.) But you can’t say that our bodies were made for sexual immorality. They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies.

What this is saying is that God created food for our bodies and our bodies for food. The desire for food is a God thing, but we will no longer need food once we are with Him. Meaning food and desiring food is temporary.

Going deeper into this, God never intended for us to use our bodies for fornication. This is a total perversion; God gave us our bodies so we could serve Him.

Look at the importance of having the Holy Spirit to be working in us over the flesh. Again, this physical body and all the things that it lusts for are also temporary and will pass away. The only eternal significance to the physical body is when it is given to the Lord as a living sacrifice.

What is more important to you? A temporary relationship with an earthly sinful man or an eternal relationship with our perfect God?

And God will raise us from the dead by his power, just as he raised our Lord from the dead.

We will either be caught up in the clouds when Jesus returns or if we are already dead, we will be raised back to life. This is when we will receive a new glorified body!! 😊 Our current body is temporary and so are all the fleshly desires.

Sister, are you living with eternity in mind or are you just living in the present like pagans do?

Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never!

What this is saying is that it is abominable to take the members of Christ and subject them to pollution and sin. Those who meet their physical desire for sex by using a harlot are wrong. Don’t they recognize there is a union that takes place between them and that harlot? There is no such thing as a causal relationship.

Girlfriend, if you proclaim that you are a believer then Jesus is inside of you. Therefore, whatever sins you commit this is subjecting Jesus to this sin and pollution. This breaks your relationship with Jesus because He CAN NOT be in the presence of sin. Our bodies are connected to the Lord and will someday be resurrected with Him. Therefore, we should view ourselves as being married unto the Lord and any action contrary to His Word is seen as adultery. When we understand this union, we should not violate ourselves and our union with God through sexual immorality.

Yes, what is being said in this scripture is radical and seems almost impossible according to our society today. But that is exactly what we are called to do, is look radically different from those that are not living for Christ.

Are you choosing to live in adultery/sin/sexual immorality or are you choosing to be a living sacrifice unto the Lord?

And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, The two are united into one.

One of the things absent from our churches or any teaching. Sex created by God is spiritual; this is the foundation of a marriage. There is a bond between a man and a woman when they come together, and it is good within the context of marriage. However, outside the context of marriage, there are consequences that we are not even yet aware of.

This verse makes it clear that there is no such thing as a one-night stand. When you engage in sex with anyone but your spouse the two of you become one flesh, and that doesn’t end after your sexual encounter. The Message translation says, There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much a spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, the two become one; what is in them gets in you.

This is an amazing statement that very few people have thought through. Individuals don’t have to enter into legal marriages with others to become one flesh with them; any adulterous relationship produces this one-flesh union. An ignorance of this has led many people into illicit sex, thinking that when it’s over, it’s over. That is not the case.

Are you uniting as one with God or with a man who isn’t your husband?

But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him.

We are identical in our born-again spirits with Jesus. There is no difference. As He is, so are we (1 John 4:17). This is the same Greek word used to describe the Oneness of Jesus with His Father in John 10:30.

Similar to the way that sexual relationships produce a physical union, our relationship with the Lord creates a spiritual union. This union is not just in purpose. Our spirits become one with God’s.

But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. And remember that those who do not have the Spirit of Christ living in them do not belong to him at all. [Romans 8:9]

As a believer, our oneness with God is in the spirit. We have a new spirit who is from God and identical to Christ (1 John 4:17). Those who don’t believe they have the Spirit of Christ in them either aren’t born again or are ignorant (Romans 8:9). The implications of not honoring Christ in us are enormous.

Are you being controlled by your sinful nature or are you being controlled by the Holy Spirit?

Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.

Yes, girlfriends, I am also urging you to run from sexual sin. There is NO other sin that affects the body like sexual sin. When we sin spiritually there are consequences within our bodies. Not only that, there are ripple effects that impact people that are in our lives and those that are watching.

Ok let me share with you something. The Lord has given me a very high sex drive and I love men. I had to ask the Lord to prevent me from meeting any man who is not the one that He wants me to partner with in life. I messed up big time and got on a sailboat in Belize with a blue-eyed, six-foot blonde pony-tailed guy. Don’t tell me when you are sleeping with your boyfriend the Holy Spirit isn’t nagging at you because He was with me. If not, you have an even a bigger problem, because you might not be a believer at all. I knew what I was doing was totally against what God had for me. Bottom line is I suffered the consequences greatly for many years, and only God knows how many other people were affected by that decision.

Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself

What a radical view, that our bodies don’t belong to us. We have been purchased by God and are indwelt by His Holy Spirit. Our bodies are not just ours; we have become God-possessed. We should consider what the Lord wants us to do because He is always with us. Recognizing that the Lord is always with us should change our actions.

This is a powerful message; our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit; seriously when you think about that; how could I have rebelled like I did?

What about you, is the Holy Spirit pricking your heart or have you become so cold you don’t even notice?

for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

Holy smokies girlfriends, what a price Jesus did pay for us to have a relationship with God Almighty again. This right here should keep our butts in line – seriously is that boyfriend you are sleeping with going to lay down his life for you? I doubt it, stop sleeping with him and see how long he stays around. This is just so powerful honor God with your body.

If you could learn to abide by these scriptures it will protect your heart from being broken and keep you from a lot of unnecessary pain.

HERE ARE SOME DEFINITIONS.

Adultery: (defined in scripture): a violation and a sin. It is the consensual sex of a married person with someone other than their spouse.

Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. [Hebrews 13:4]

Fornication: (defined in scripture) for any sexual conduct or misconduct or impure sexual activity outside the boundary of a marriage covenant.

Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people—none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God. [1 Corinthians 6:9-10]

Abstinence: (defined in scripture) the practice or decision of willingly abstaining from sex outside of marriage. This is a spiritual discipline to respect ourselves as God has created us. Provides personal purity, self-control, and learned respect for others. This is how we honor God with our bodies.

Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts. [2 Timothy 2:22]

Sexual Immorality: (defined in scripture) sex before marriage, pre-marital sex, and all sexual activity outside the sacred marriage.

God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor—not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways. [1 Thessalonians 4:3-5]

Remember that sexual sin is any sex outside of marriage. All who willingly practice these sins shall not inherit the Kingdom of God. Yes, God made man and God created women, and God created sex. However, only within the sacred covenant of marriage. If you think you can violate the scriptures and God will just let it go, you are being foolish.

God designed sex, and the bible honors the sacred covenant of marriage. No ladies we are not exempt after 50. This applies to anyone who is single and is a believer.

Ultimately, my purpose in speaking about this is stems from great concern for the current and ETERNAL well-being of the women I know and care about and women that I don’t even know. If you are going to call yourself a believer, then choose to be a holy living sacrifice and follow God’s guidelines. I promise you the rewards outweigh anything a man can give you that isn’t your husband.

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong.
[1 Corinthians 16:13]

PRAYER OF SALVATION AND NEXT STEPS