Give Yourself Grace and Time

He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever [Revelation 21:4]

QUOTE: You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again, but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to (Elisabeth Kubler-Ross).

As we learned in previous weeks, there is a time and season for everything. The topic of loss and grief is another hot button for me because I believe our society does not always allow people time, or the grace needed to grieve.

We hear all the time of people saying things like: Oh, it’s only a dog; you have another child; get over it; move on; you are better off without him; you have moped around long enough… These are hurtful and untimely words that leave scars. We should never judge or minimize what someone has been through or what they potentially could be currently going through. Again, only God knows and sees every single heart. We are not the Holy Spirit and shouldn’t tell people how they should grieve. Yes, there is a time especially as believers that we need to stand on the Word and move forward; not letting our losses keep us from doing what we are called to do.

The grieving process is also a healing process. This healing process is important, so this is also why we need to take the time. A loss is a loss, and a time of mourning is needed regardless of the loss, whether it’s a loss of a spouse, a best friend, a business, income, a child, a career, a job, health, a certain lifestyle, a pet, or anything else that causes significant pain or change in our lives. During these times we need to remember to take care of ourselves, learn to have grace and love towards ourselves, and we need to learn to truly take the time to mourn and grieve.

I’ve added this particular topic because grieving or not grieving has a lot to do with our Stellar Thinking. For my entire life I had not taken time to grieve any pain, loss, or suffering. I stuffed it all down, covered it up with activities, and pretended those painful issues would simply just go away. Well things that we don’t deal with, do not just go away, at some point they will bubble up and cause problems for us. I found that out when I lost my Angel girl, then the subsequent loss of my dearest friend, to losing everything; a lifetime of grieve and pain surfaced along with the current pains. This made everything even more traumatic, mostly likely added more than tenfold the pain, and the reason why it took me so long to get back on my feet.

I was working through a lifetime of stuff instead of one or two losses and everything become one big overwhelming mess. At times I was so overwhelmed that I could not think, had no ability to move forward and it became a vicious downward spiral into a place I was wondering how I would ever get back up (urgggh). It seemed like I was frozen in time as the years ticked by. These years appeared to me to be such a waste and non-productivity, felt like I was sinking in quicksand, and couldn’t get out.

Those seasons of grief and loss are tough; this is biscuits flying to the max. This is when we need to hang tight to God, stand on the Word, be with our friends, and allow others to love and care about us. Unfortunately, I tend to be more of a loner during those times and I become even more of a hermit than I already am. With that said girlfriends, there is no wrong way for you to do your season of grieve. Each of us hurt in different ways and work through things in different ways. However, don’t become such a hermit that your mind gets out of control and goes the wrong direction.

Remember to give yourself the time, space, and grace to work through things. Disregard the pressure society may try to put on you or make you feel. I’m so tired of the façade everyone thinks they need to put on to appear tough when inside they are totally devastated. If you feel like you need to cry, go ahead and cry and show those emotions. It’s okay that you don’t feel like talking and would like to just sit quietly with a friend. It’s okay to be alone (as long as we don’t hermitize for too long). It’s okay to shut down for a season and regroup. It’s okay to scream, shout, yell and do whatever YOU need to do to go through a season of grief. And please do not listen to people that tell you to get over it and do it quickly. That is so inhumane and heartless. Also, there is no timeline, each of us needs to take whatever time is needed to work through the emotions.

When the big biscuits were flying for me with the overwhelming turmoil, I was in such a vulnerable place and in so much pain. For the first time I could understand how people get drawn into places they should not be. At that time, I was willing to go any place where I could relieve the pain, a place to grieve without judgment, a place to let out my deepest hurts, and a place to help me put my life back together. At the time I was willing to join any safe haven, a beach resort, an extended mountain retreat, a militia, or even a cult. I just wanted to be accepted with the pain, losses, and grief that I was experiencing without condemnation. But without thousands of dollars there was nowhere for me to go except on my solo hikes and on my knees with the Lord. Wherever the Lord had me physically at any moment became my sanctuary and healing place. Looking back, this most likely was the safest and best place I could have ever been.

GIVE YOURSELF GRACE AND TIME

• To grieve during any type of loss.
• To grieve however you need to grieve.
• Take time go grieve.
• To physically and mentally rest.
• To just sit, think, pray, be in the Word, and listen.
• To process what is happening,
• Permission to simply be still and listen to God.
• Know that there is a season to grieve regardless of the societal pressures we may feel.
• To dig deep into the Word.
• To learn to depend on God to provide all of your needs.
• To listen to what He shows you to do.

SIMPLY GIVE YOURSELF GRACE AND TIME

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DAILY ACTION STEP
Say to yourself out loud
I AM WHO GOD SAYS I AM
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FRIENDLY REMINDER: Take out your journal and write down your thoughts, takeaways, and progress for this week!

TAKEAWAY GEMS

• Grief is a season of life that God tells us will happen within our lifetime and sometimes more than once or twice.
• Take the time YOU need to grieve in the way YOU need to grieve.
• Give yourself grace during this season, however long it may be.
• Take time to rest, sit, think, pray, be in the WORD, and listen.
• Give yourself permission to take time and schedule time if needed.

QUESTIONS TO “THINK ON”

1. What was an unbearable biscuit flying season for you?
2. In what ways did you give yourself permission to grieve?
3. If there is some grief that still is affecting your life? What steps can you take today to go through the grieving/healing process

ACTION STEP HEALING LETTERS TO GOD: Writing down every one of your thoughts, emotions, and pain is a powerful way to work through grief. This can be a separate journal from your others, or if you choose, it can be one in the same. Whatever you choose, remember it is a safe place to share your heart and every single emotion and thought that you are experiencing. If you are going through a biscuit flying season, get out the pen and paper, or a word document or somewhere to write out healing letters to God.

DAILY SCRIPTURES

DAY #1: In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation. [1 Peter 5:10] 

DAY #2: So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever. [2 Corinthians 4:18]

DAY #3: So you have sorrow now, but I will see you again; then you will rejoice, and no one can rob you of that joy. [John 16:22]

DAY #4: God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted. [Matthew 5:4]

DAY #5: The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. [Psalm 34:18]

DAY #6: My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever. [Psalm 73:26] 

DAY #7: He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever [Revelation 21:4]